CHAPTER 16:  "MORE THAN THIS..."

Doctor's POV:

We got to UNIT and People helped out to pick up Pam and put her inside the TARDIS on a Gurney...I walked following them with heavy steps and my head full of quilt...I'm the worst thing walking on universe...

*I came close to her Gurney and pointed her with my sonic screwdriver, with tears in my eyes already, my heart running fast...I plugged her with the TARDIS so she could identify any memory about Alex...so the TARDIS could put it away and rebuild her timeline life story...This is the worst thing I ever done for someone...but I need her to be fine...

-Doctor....- A lady opened the TARDIS door while I was on the controls already finishing.

-I assume that...you know Mrs. Smith is in UNIT's shelter...right next to this building...-She said.

*I kept starring at the lever I was holding*

-No...I didn't know...- I said lying.

-Well...She is been here for the past 10 months...almost a year...she asks for you Sir, once in a while, since she landed here...-The lady said standing close to the door and staring at me.

-I need you to place this young lady into observation in one of the hospital rooms...I'll be with her once she gets installed, I'll check on her, she will be sleeping for about five hours...- I said with a calm tone and walking towards the gurney.

- Mrs. Smith Sir?.- She asked already confused.

-Miss Woods!, now take her to a room!.- The Doctor said with a sense of anger this time.

*The lady just walked outside the TARDIS to call some people that would help to roll the gurney into a room at the building...I just sat and ruffled my hair with both hands till I ended up looking at the floor.* .- Rose...

END OF THE DOCTOR'S POV*

"We didn't came upon this world to be...alone...that's perhaps why....we are always looking for that special someone that shares affection to us..."Love", but sometimes the fact of getting hurt too many times...in too many ways...over and over...makes you push someone away...it hurts...especially when you been living for a big big while... and it kind of feels like a curse..."

(AT THE ROOM WERE NOW PAM IS)

PAM'S POV:

"What's inside of us...is what tells our story...but, I'm already loosing myself.
                                                     
  If there are missing parts inside of me now...then...

 How come you can call this my story... I MISS THE OLD ME...but I suppose it doesn't matter anymore...

Cause the whole me, will disappear soon as well...Goodbye Woods..."


*I opened my eyes, and I had tears falling slowly... I saw this cold white ceiling. The place smelled not like a hospital at all...I didn't recognized the smell but I'm sure I was not a hospital...I sat slowly, I noticed I was on a bed, with white sheets, but I'm sure I'm not at a hospital...I'm...sad...but, I just don't know why...I cleaned my tears away...I had an horrible headache...just as I did before at the TARDIS...

-UGH! HURTS!.- I said while I was pressing my head with both hands.

*The Doctor got in, but He had hints of shame or doubt with every step inside the room...I don't know why...I mean, He saved me and teleported me on time before that Dalek could exterminate me...

-Hello wacky man!.- I said with a smile on my face and trying to hide the headache face.

-Ah...are you, ok?.- The Doctor asked me on a suspicious way...He didn't looked at me, as if He was afraid of something...but well, He is already weird, so I think there is nothing wrong about it...

-yeah...just a small headache that's all...but, I just don't know why? I mean, nothing happened to me, is it like, a sequel of teleportation?.-I asked.

-Uh...yeah...-He said taking a quick breath and getting close to me.

-Where are we?.- I asked

-UNIT

-UNIT? Like Unified Intelligence Taskforce ...UNIT?.- I asked all curious.

*The Doctor side smiled looking down*

-You really did your homework right?.- He said to me.

-Haha yup, I think....- I said already smiling, the headache was vanishing quite fast.

-WELL!.- The Doctor stood up fast.- Are you ready for a surprise?!.- He said already smiling and placing hands on his pockets as usual.

-uh...yes? haha wait...what kind of surprise? is it...like a WOOW what a wonderful surprise? or...a kill me please surprise...?.- I said overacting my face expressions.

-haha a wonderful surprise.- The Doctor smiled, then he stretched out his right hand to me, I pushed the sheets behind and he helped me to get out of the bed.

We walked to a big laboratory situated in the middle of a huge storage place, well, at least that's how It looked like to me.
There was the TARDIS, in the middle! THE TARDIS!. I walked closer filling myself with energy to know we had the TARDIS back!, then I touched the blue wood doors with one hand as I slowly walked around the blue box, then I felt some steps walking towards me, and I thought that would be The Doctor, so I turned around.

-...Tobias..??? TOBIAS!!!!!!!!!! .- I said his name all loud as I ran to him to hug him, I just couldn't believe he was back, and fine!, all I could do was...to hug him...It was...well, I felt something different this time hugging him, I didn't want to let go...I felt...happy!.

Tobias didn't let go quickly either, but when he finally did he looked at me straight to my eyes, without saying a word...just...starring.
A smile slowly appeared on his face.- You are ok.- He said with the same attitude and still looking into my eyes.

-yes...better than ever...- I said with a smile on my face already...

*Don't ask me how much we stood still like that... cause well, I don't know, time stood still with us as well...I felt it like a few seconds, but I think those were looong looong minutes...well, at least it was like that till the Doctor came in and got closer to us, then "that" paused, and we both looked at him.

- I told you it was a wonderful surprise.- The Doctor said smiling.

-But!, how did you?...did you just popped in? or,...what happened Doctor?.- I asked already confused but overacting goofy faces and hand gestures.

- He is a time lord, remember?.- The Doctor threw a quick proud look to Tobias.

-WELL! WHO WANTS SOME VACATIONS!?.- The Doctor said with a shiny grin on his face.

-ah...vacations?.- I said already lost.

-oh well!!! Actually it's a continuous scape plan...but, we could at least have fun and visit a few places!.- The Doctor said


*We left UNIT that day...don't ask for dates cause, well I been just surviving through time lately but, I have while of not nothing "which day is today"...I guess I don't care at all...it's like when we were kids and we went to a birthday party and we were having fun that much that we would forget to eat the meal and we would skip to desert...Well at least that's how it was for me haha...and it's kind of the same for this...I'm traveling time and space...I'll just let it flow, I won't get worried about some stuff at least is necessary...

"I'm still feel kind of sad sometimes... but I still don't know why...I started to dream again, once in a while, not every day; I dream about this girl, around my age...not that tall, big round and dark brown eyes and long slashes, brown long wavy hair, pale skin...she smiles a lot...but I never get to hear her voice, "I don't know her name" but, somehow I feel like I can tell her everything... Every time I dream on her, at the end, we sit and I tell her everything, she never answers, she just listens with a huge smile on her face and  then... I just wake up.

We travelled a lot for the next weeks that turned into months...well at least I suppose. All I can do is to count days and write them down on this little notepad I took from home...sometimes I write  down too much, sometimes I don't, sometimes I just write down the date of the day, and that's it.

We went to wonderful places... I saw gardens which flowers looked like stars, We met creatures that we thought were unfriendly but ended up being nice...We visited planets we thought were just stars, We saved a couple of places we visited...we took a ride through galaxies pretty far away from our's...

I felt like it was almost a year already!, The Doctor didn't brought me back to earth in all that time...but sometimes, we would land into the moon, so we could watch the earth from far... Tobias? well Tobias would stay inside most of the times we landed into the moon...He didn't want to see the earth that far, cause the next time he would see earth was walking on it... "Going home" , but honestly, I didn't  know how long we would keep roaming like this around space...

One of the days that I deeply wrote detail by detail on my pad...was this particular day...I call it, "gold"...yeah you might think I had no creativity to name the day...but well, I called it that way cause... well...that day...it was worth gold...in too many ways!

There was this huge and colorful nebula outside the TARDIS...I wanted to see it closer but it was one of those days when The Doctor wanted to "sleep"

-Oh boy! Look at this!.- I said looking outside through the TARDIS little windows on the door.

-What? .- Tobias said as he walked towards me.

-It's a nebula!.- I said with that sparkling light and those colours passing by my eyes...

The Doctor got closer to the controls table and pushed some buttons and pulled down a screen where he could see what was outside the TARDIS.

-Oh.....- He said all deeply with a smile.- It's "THE EAGLE Nebula"...you see, they named it like that cause it has the shape of an eagle which spread it's wings...I rather calling it "The Bird of gold" ... no other civilization has named that nebula before...Humans can be pretty creative!.- The Doctor half said already snoring.- GOING TO BED! TAH TAH!

-Wait...bed? I thought you didn't sleep...at all...

-OH COME ON! I DO SLEEP! Otherwise I wouldn't have a bed!.- The Doctor said with a rage face, but not mad at all...that's just his face haha.-

-Well I haven't see you sleep since well...ever...?.- I said crossing arms.

-Well I don't sleep that much! I have an auto recovering system which doesn't need that much sleep!.- The Doctor said.

-but...then...How come Tobias an I sleep normally?...we are time lords as well..- I said already getting lost.

-Yeah...Live with wolfs you will learn how to howl!, you grew up on earth! Your system got used to sleep as a human.- The Doctor said already walking away.

-So..you won't stay to watch the Eagle with us...?- I said

-Nah...I've seen it before...I like it! But well I'm not in a nebula mood today...maybe later!.- The Doctor said now leaving to his room this time.

*I looked at Tobias who was next to me...I got speechless...all I did was to side smile.* 

- OH!!! ALMOST FORGOT! if you guys sit on the doors frame stabilize the TARDIS first and tide yourselves to the control table!...BYE!.- The Doctor said just showing his right hand and face on the edge of a wall, grinning all the time, then he left for real to sleep.

*We did as the Doctor said and there we were...sitting on the TARDIS door frame watching a live wonderful show...It was all..

-"BEAUTIFUL".- I said with a half hollow expression but with a gently smile.

*Tobias stood quiet. I started to swing my legs into the emptiness of space...ironic isn't it? We call it "the emptiness of space" haha but it’s fuller than anything we could ever think...

The nebula was like a giant piece of gold floating...well...I'm not that good at being deep on describing things haha, but I can tell It was beautiful... marvellous lights of different colours coming out from the sides... strong as steel...but tender as a cloud... plenty of huge stars surrounding it...just... brilliant!

When I was already hypnotized with the colours and the brightness I ...suddenly lost the sense of my right hand...then my arm...and soon the rest of me... 

Tobias...he was holding my hand...that moment became the best moment...and the hardest of all my life...but I decided to forget that for a moment...cause he smiled at me and his eyes gently pointed to my lips...we kissed...

"A few seconds ago, we were the viewers of this marvellous spectacle
...now the eagle and the stars were the ones sitting on the first row"


The Doctor walked by the controls room again...but, he decided to not interrupt...
The Doctor had flashbacks and started to remember his traveling with Rose...

When they travelled to the 60's:

*flashback dialogues with Rose*

-Stand still you flicky boy, let me finish your hair! haha.

When they went to the medieval era and danced at a ball...

*Then, he just stopped reminiscing at the moment a tear fell on his face...He missed her way too much*

Most of the time...We call ourselves a "fool" when we fall in love, this time I was the most straight example on that expression...

I WAS A FOOL!, A SELFISH!....I didn't know how much time I had left...and I was falling for Tobias way more everyday...today, the bomb just exploded.

I don't know how am I suppose to handle this now...

At the next day I woke up with something running into my head over and over again...

- 0 PEOPLE IN THE LOCAL AREA!....DOCTOOOR!!!!.- I jumped out of bed barefoot and running straight to the control room, but the Doctor was not there. I kept running to see if he was on the library...there he was...sitting on a Cher, with his elbows resting on his knees and head down...couldn't see his face at all...

-Doctor...? is, everything ok?...- I said carefully from a distance of him.

He didn't answer right away.

-Gramps... what's wrong?.- I asked once again.

He kept the same position for a few more seconds and then he quickly looked at me... He seems like his blood ran to his head...and as if, he was crying, and frustrated about something...- I'm ok...go...go... .- He said with a sad tone and going back on the same position.

I didn't know what was happening I just came closer and knelled to hug him, my chin would rest on his back.

-Stop stabbing yourself with the past...you still alive! Please, start acting like it!

*That day, he didn't answer to me, he just broke, and hugged me, It was that hard that I felt the ache coming from him...
On the next days, he went pretty quiet; Tobias and I would go out by ourselves to roam around, and well, The Doctor would just stay inside the TARDIS...I've been  getting worried more and more, he is been sleeping more than usual, that's not right...does time lords get sick?...and if they do, how...? *


-I think...He is depressed....- Tobias said as we stared at him from far.- You think...That's because of...my mom?

- Your mom, and a billion of things too...He is been traveling for way too long...He met people...He saw them leaving too... He loved...He lost...maybe there’s just a moment when you explode...

-We are like him...- Tobias said with a lost look and low voice. He was afraid on going like that someday.

I looked at him and then looked down.- no...We are not like him... we are simple, He is more than just simple.

I been thinking about that issue of no human population at the area where I lived in my timeline, but I just don't get why would they disappear people? Aliens can be dumb sometimes... I decided to ask gramps today, He seemed to feel better, he even smiled a lot today and jumped around the place haha. We visited this place called the rings of Akhaten, and it was a funny place, I met creatures that their language was barking, and well I didn't get anything from there haha the gift shops were pretty odd, I had to give away a sentimental valuable thing of me... haha no thanks, I'm not on need of something by the moment... 


That day, We went back to the moon, and Tobias stood inside as usual. The Doctor put an LP record player in frame of the opened doors of the TARDIS, and we just laid down to see the stars, I love doing this cause gramps knows if it's a star or actually a planet, he travelled to most of them and sometimes, he points at one, and he tells me a story about that place... but that day he just kept starring at the stars...

after a huge while of silence, he said looking at the stars with no expression on his face, just...standing still and tired eyes-

- I'm not immortal...you know...?.- The Doctor said as the music on the background would play (Vanessa Carlton- More than this)

-I know you are not...- I answered looking up as well.

- The Doctor took a deep breath and then said.- but sometimes I feel like...reaching the end is still way too far...

-Are you saying...you want to die..?.- I said with crystalized eyes trying to not show an emotion or look at him...

- I died too many times...but memories don't...you know...? everybody come, and go...

*I finally turned my head to look at him, he kept looking up*

- They just keep coming, someday, they just leave...the worst part is that, they come and go...but I still coming back...*His voice was half broken, then he closed his eyes as the music was still playing* - "Life is more than this...than all you know, just make sure, yours tells a lullaby...not a nonstop tragic nightmare"...



------------------------------------------LOOK FOR CHAPTER 17